Breaking to Breathe Read online

  “I told you I was hoping to take you to lunch.” She must have given him a disbelieving look because Kyle lifted his hands in submission and smiled genuinely. “Just as friends, Angel. I promise.”

  “Let’s go then. I’m starving.” Cate grabbed her coat and purse, flipped the sign on the front door from open to closed, locked the deadbolt, and walked to the diner on the corner with Kyle.

  “ARE YOU FROM around here?” Kyle asked as they waited for lunch to be delivered to their table. This was the part about relationships that Cate hated. She never wanted to share the details about her life, her family, or her past. But when learning about new people, those were the little details that always came first. This was why Cate hadn’t made any real friends since grade school. They’d all known her story. In college, she kept busy with her studies and working out; her relationships with friends and lovers were shallow and short.

  Shaking her head, Cate tried to keep her answer brief. “No, West Virginia. You?”

  The same tension she’d been feeling upon answering that question seemed to be brewing in Kyle’s eyes. “Yeah, about a half hour north of here.”

  The waitress placed the food on the table and scurried off to help her other customers. “Any brothers or sisters?” Kyle asked before pushing a French fry in his mouth.

  The mention of her sister caused a knot to form in her belly. “Um…here’s the deal. I have a sister, a twin actually. I haven’t spoken to her or my parents in years. And I don’t intend to. So… do you think we can move this conversation on to any other topic in the world? Please.” She didn’t mean to come off sounding like a complete bitch, but this line of questioning was guaranteed to end the lunch date quicker than she’d like. She braced herself for an obnoxious retort or a lecture based on the importance of family, all of which she’d received in the past from people who claimed to care about her well-being, but Kyle did neither of the two. The storm that had been brewing in his eyes just moments before seemed to dispel, leaving complete calmness in its wake.

  Cate was so busy sinking into Kyle’s deep, green pools that she felt as though they were seeing directly into her soul, causing the warmth of his hands caressing hers to come as a complete but welcome surprise.

  “Cate…” He so often used endearments when they spoke, that just the sound of her name—that one syllable—wrapped around his tongue made her panties dampen with desire. “I’m not gonna judge you based on your family or your past. God knows I wouldn’t want your judgment. As far as I’m concerned, that shit can stay where it belongs, in the past.” The creases between Kyle’s brows and the shadows in his eyes spoke of stories that made Cate’s heart heavy with sorrow. She’d seen the scars that marred his magnificent body. The ones he tried to cover with ink, as if to cover the agony that was forced upon him with pain of his own choosing. She had no doubt this man could understand her. Maybe that was part of the attraction. Maybe that was why she felt safe in his presence. She knew he’d never hurt her, because he was just as bent as she was.

  Cate withdrew one of her hands from Kyle’s, wrapping it around her glass of iced tea. The coolness was such a vast contrast from the heat that encased her skin only seconds before. “Here’s to friends and future,” she said, lifting her glass to Kyle in a toast-like fashion.

  Kyle lifted his drink to hers, clinking their glasses together as his lips curved up from a grin to a full smile, leaving Cate breathless as his perfect dimple winked at her with delight. God he’s beautiful. “Did I say something to make you smile like that?”

  “Your toast. It reminded me of the people who mean the world to me, people I love.” Admitting it to himself made Kyle feel like a huge asshole, but saying it out loud… thinking of everything his family had been saying for months clicked in that one minute. Finally. He’d been horrible to them, and all they had done was show him love. He had some major work to do in order to redeem himself in the eyes of those he respected and in the eyes of the man who looked back at him in the mirror each morning.

  “Oh, so…you kinda have a thing for Lyla, huh? That’s cool. She seems…different.” Jolted from his emotional awakening, Kyle watched as the brightness that had been exuding from Cate’s face, the same light that saved him the night they met, was fading. She was disappearing right before him, and he had no idea what the hell happened in the few seconds that caused such a huge transition to take place. He searched his memory for the past few minutes of conversation, coming up empty on what could have put a wedge between them so quickly.

  Cate reached for her purse. She pulled some cash out of her wallet and laid it on the table. “Thank you for lunch, Kyle. It was ….fun.”

  “Angel, stop. Please.” He was confused. He knew his tone reeked of despair as the next question came through a clenched jaw. “Why in the hell would you think I have a thing for Lyla?”

  Cate pulled her hair through her fist. “Kyle, don’t hiss at me.”

  “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just don’t understand how you would come to that conclusion. First of all,” Kyle scrubbed his hands over his face and scoffed, “Lyla is like a sister to me. Nothing more, that I can promise you. Second, I thought you and I,” he pointed between them, “were just friends. So what’s with the jealousy thing?”

  Kyle felt another little piece of his frozen heart begin to thaw as he watched Cate’s eyes grow round as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. After a few silent seconds she nodded, “This time you’re right, Kyle. I don’t know what came over me.” Cate slowly sat back down in the booth. “You told me that my toast reminded you of the people you love, and I’ve been privy to some of Lyla’s sentiments.”

  “Cate, I’ve worked at Danny’s for a long, long time. We all have. While it’s true that Lyla hasn’t been around forever, she does have a way with words,” he couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the thought of the crazy shit Lyla’s came out with, “we’ve all been known to shout out ridiculous toasts and horrible rhymes over the years. It’s what you do when you’re surrounded by friends and alcohol day-in and day-out for over a decade.”

  The flush that rose from Cate’s neck up to her cheeks was one of the hottest things Kyle had ever seen. A thought that nearly knocked the wind out of him, being that he’d been part of some seriously kinky and fucked up sex acts in his life, all things he’d done to forget about his hurt and numb his pain. Yet looking at this woman, fully clothed and blushing with embarrassment, did more to ease his soul than any of the dangerous, thoughtless crap he’d spent the past twenty-plus years indulging in.

  “I’m sorry for freaking out on you, Kyle. Like I said earlier, in our text, you really would do better forgetting about me and moving on. I’m not a good friend to have.”

  According to Elliot, Cate was the most loyal, trusting, loving friend there was. He, however, would never share that bit of information with the woman sitting across from him. So instead he propositioned her with something else.

  “And as I said in our texts, I’m gonna enjoy bugging my new friend. So how about if you make up for your little meltdown by coming to Danny’s tomorrow? On Thursday’s, Lyla and Janie meet for girl’s night. Ashley, Ryan, and I will be working the bar, and we’re training a new guy. We haven’t had to hire new bartenders in ages, but with Max leaving a few months ago, we need to bring in two new people to take his place.” This was the first time he even acknowledged Max’s absence from the bar, let alone how he felt about working without his wingman by his side.

  Kyle watched as the information swirled around before sinking into Cate’s head. He was prepared to convince her if need be, but she surprised the hell out of him when she agreed.

  “Ells and I will be there under one condition.” Cate gripped her hair, running her fingers through the thick locks. Her second tell, as Kyle was coming to know it.

  “Go on.”

  “If we’re driving down to Danny’s, I want to see you, not the drunk/high watered down version of you. Not the version I saw last week. Ca
n you do that?”

  Kyle wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or kick himself in the balls. Could he be sober? Of course she’d ask that question. She’d only seen him at his worst. She didn’t know that he hadn’t been drunk or high since the night she was in his bed. He had drank quite a bit during his shift on Friday night, not as much as usual, yet enough for a strong buzz; but when he woke up that Saturday morning feeling like shit and still missing the red-headed angel, he knew it was time to make changes.

  Kyle wasn’t an alcoholic. He didn’t crave alcohol. He craved numbness. Therefore, not drinking wasn’t as big of a deal as finally feeling all of the things he’d tried his whole adult life to avoid. As for the chaos that had taken place the previous Fall, which led him on the downward spiral that nearly cost him his life, now that he was sober, Kyle was finally going to have to deal with the mind-fuck that had been his life. He knew it. The question was, could he do it dry?

  “Yes, Angel. I can be sober. I can stay sober.” Cate lifted her brows in what appeared to be skepticism. “Don’t look at me like that, Cate. We all have our demons. You fought yours with solitude. I fought mine with a bottle. My way didn’t work. Did yours?”

  Wincing, she nodded then inhaled deeply. “Then we’ll see you tomorrow after work.” When the smile on her lips reached her eyes, Kyle felt something stir in his chest. Unable to identify it, he chose to ignore it by paying the check and leading Cate out into the cold and back to her store.

  That feeling made itself known again when Cate walked into Kyle’s open arms and gave him a tentative hug before unlocking her door and going inside. As he waited for the prearranged taxi to pick him up, Kyle felt that same little nudge in his chest blossom into warmth. It had been too many years since he felt it, he wasn’t at all sure of its name, but somewhere in the recesses of his mind a little voice whispered hope. As the yellow car pulled up to the sidewalk and he slid in, Kyle realized he had hope. What an incredible feeling.

  Plain And Simple

  “ARE YOU FEELING okay?” Elliot checked Cate’s forehead with fake concern before squealing like a school girl. “Of course I’d like to go out tonight, Catey. In fact, I’d love it. Is there somewhere in particular you’d like to go or just out in general?” Judging by her arched brow and wide smile, there was no doubt that Elliot already knew the answer to her question.

  “Ells, why do you bother asking questions when you can read me like a book?”

  Shrugging her shoulders playfully, Elliot responded, “I’d hate for you to think you don’t get to make your own choices, Catey Cat. Besides, it’s fun to watch you squirm.” Elliot ducked, missing the box of tissues Cate launched at her head. “Very mature, Catey. By the way, I already told Lyla and Ashley that we would see them tonight.”

  “You were pretty sure of yourself there, weren’t you?”

  “No, but I was pretty sure of Kyle.” Cate’s heart stopped as questions filled her head. Had Elliot asked Kyle to invite her to come tonight? Maybe he didn’t care one way or another if she showed up. Maybe she was just a charity case to him.

  He’d texted her when he took his smoke breaks last night. Nothing serious, just funny things people said or random emoticons. She found herself smiling and even giggling a few times. Was it all meaningless bullshit?

  “Cate.” Elliot tugged on her arm. “Stop it. I know exactly where your mind just went, and it isn’t what you think.”

  “What was I thinking, Ells? Was I thinking that you’re so desperate for a night out that you begged Kyle to drag his ass all the way up here yesterday to invite me to Danny’s? Was I thinking that I was being used once again, and I was too caught up to even see it? Was that your guess, Elliot? Because you would be spot-freaking-on.” Shaking with anger, Cate turned away from Elliot. She refused to let even her best friend see her wounds open and raw like they were just then.

  What she wasn’t expecting, what she had never experienced before, was the reaction Elliot Reed gave her in return. Over the course of twenty years, they had seen each other at their best and worst, happy and sad, angry and hurt, but never in all the years had she seen Elliot this pissed off at her.

  “Now you listen here, you little bitch,” Elliot’s voice was an octave higher and reduced to full Texas twang. “Never since the day we met have I used you for anything. We have been sisters, Catey, and best friends. I’ve never let you down. I’ve never left your side, and I’ve never regretted one goddamn second of it. Just what the hell do you think you are accusin’ me of?” Cate stood frozen as Elliot continued her rant, pointing her finger and screeching mere inches away from Cate’s face.

  “I don’t need your permission nor do I need your company to go out. I can do it any damn night I choose. Therefore I’m not desperate for shit. I was at Danny’s yesterday morning doing our job again, because you chose to have your little hissy fit last week and refused to go back. The girls invited us to join them tonight. I said I would love to go, and I would ask you to join. I’m not a moron, Catey. I knew you’d say no. But I didn’t want to embarrass you by telling them that. That’s when Kyle came over and started bitchin’ that you never contacted him. As soon as he decided he was comin’ up here to see you, I knew he’d ask you to come tonight, and I knew you’d say yes. Plain and simple.”

  “Ells, I’m sorry. I…”

  “No,” Elliot continued her roll, but her voice lowered. “Cate, I love you. I’d do anything for you. You should know at least that much by now. I’m not your parents. I’m not your twin. I’m better—I’m with you because I choose you. I’ll always choose you, but that doesn’t mean you can treat me like shit. I may let most things roll off my back, but what you said just plain hurt.”

  Between the tremble of Elliot’s lower lip and the plump tear creeping down her otherwise perfect skin, Cate hated herself for not only voicing her doubts but for ever thinking them in the first place. Inside, she knew damn well that Elliot would never do anything to hurt or embarrass her.

  “Ells, my actions were inexcusable.” She took her friend’s hands in her own, bending down to make eye contact with Elliot. “Look at me, please.” Elliot’s bloodshot eyes brought tears to Cate’s as well. “I know you. I know in my heart how much you love me, and you’re right. You’ve never let me down. You don’t ever need to prove yourself. I’m sorry, Ells. I don’t know what’s going on with me lately, but,” she paused, her words just as jumbled as her thoughts. “I don’t know. He…he makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. From the moment I met him, he made me feel unsteady but safe.” Scrunching up her nose, Cate laughed. “Which is crazy, being that he is the dirtiest man alive with a reputation that he not only admits to but relishes.”

  Smiling once again, Elliot wiped away her tears, “Honey, you can’t help who you fall for. We’ll just dip him in Clorox a few times, and he should be good to go.” Both women laughed until tears began to flow once again.

  “I really am sorry, Ells. You’re right, I’m a complete bitch, but I promise I will never doubt you again. I love you. I really do.”

  “I know you do, honey. I know. Now let’s get our asses home; we need to cutify for tonight.”

  Vicks Vapo Mess

  DANNY’S WAS HOPPING as usual for a Thursday night. The only difference was this was the first Thursday in almost a year that Kyle was working the bar completely dry—no alcohol, no drugs. Only some over-the-counter ibuprofen to help with the dull ache in his leg that tended to make itself known after a couple of hours and progressively worsened by the end of the shift. Kyle stopped physical therapy too soon. It was hard to go when he was constantly fucked up, but he knew he needed more work¸ that was on his list of calls to make in the morning right after contacting his brother.

  “It’s still early, loverboy. Stop staring at the door. She’ll get here when she gets here.”

  “I don’t know what you’re babbling about, Ashley, but those guys over there have practically dehydrated waiting for their drinks.” Ashley rolled her
eyes as she popped the caps off the beer bottles and slid them to the suited gentlemen who, in spite of Kyle’s rib, had just taken a seat at the bar.

  Bunny after bunny approached Kyle, ordering their drinks in the sexiest voices; and wearing the most ridiculous clothing, outfits that just a few weeks ago would have not only caught Kyle’s attention but would have earned them some one-on-one time with Charistown’s number one bad boy. Now, those same women with the same voices in those same clothes held no appeal at all. In fact, the sense of shame running through his veins felt more like sludge than blood.

  “Gee, Ly, could you ever have imagined a day when Kyle Marx would look disgusted by too much womanly attention?”

  “First of all, Janie, some of those…” Lyla’s pinched expression had Janie laughing as she waved her index finger to the girls preening themselves shamelessly for Kyle’s attention, “can’t really be considered women. Fembots would be a better description, don’t ya think?”

  Shaking his head, Kyle couldn’t disagree with his friend’s assessment of the situation instead he continued to pour the draft beer for his customer, keeping one ear open to hear what else Lyla had to say.

  “That being said, I knew the day would eventually come when someone turned him upside down. I just hope…” Kyle assumed Lyla was going to say that she hoped he didn’t screw it up, but what she actually said surprised the hell out of him. “I hope she doesn’t hurt him.” Hurt me? What?

  With thirsty customers and his concentration already split in half, Kyle decided to let Lyla’s comment go unchallenged. Sure, he liked Cate, but his heart wasn’t involved. Women aren’t worth it. They’re only good for one thing. His father’s words no longer boomed in his head, screaming with certainty. They seemed quieter, less intrusive. Less true.