Storm Front (The Charistown Series) (Volume 2) Page 12

  “I-I woke up and Leo wasn’t home. He was supposed to come home.” As if the dam holding her memories suddenly broke, her body stiffened and she pushed away from him. The pain of her rejection hurt more than the broken bones in his hand.

  “Ashley, please.”

  “No. Ryan. What are you even doing here?” Her gaze dropped to his freshly casted limb. “Oh my God, Ryan, are you okay? What happened? Honey…” She reached for his injured hand but stopped mid-motion pulling her hand back to her body. Ryan could practically see the turmoil in Ashley’s face over the simple gesture of touching him. In that second he went from hopeful to crestfallen. “Ry, my mom told me that Leo was in a bad accident. Were you with him?” He wanted to cry, to scream, to rage as she lifted her gaze from his casted arm to his eyes.

  “Princess.” He reached out to touch her biceps but his fingers never met her skin, and the look on her face just as he was about to make contact nearly made him sick. She didn’t want his touch. He’d hurt her too badly. He had finally pushed her too far.

  “Ryan.” Her voice was soft but missing the warmth it had held since the day they met years ago. “Ryan, where’s my brother? I want to go see him. He’s probably asking for me. He hates this place.”

  Oh God, I can’t tell her this. How do I tell her that he’s gone. I can’t. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t…”

  “What can’t you do, Ryan?” Her eyes narrowed as the question came out slowly from her mouth again. “Ryan, what can’t you do?” He stood there staring at her tall willowy frame and watched her eyes grow more brown than green, searching his face for answers that he never wanted to give her. “Ryan,” she snapped. “Where. Is. My. Brother?”

  He gulped for air like a fish out of water as panic began to strangle him like a fist at his throat. Was it possible that she had no idea? Slightly, the fingers on the uncasted hand furled and unfurled as his breathing accelerated.

  “Ryan,” she said, “after everything we’ve been through, aside from today…before you were,” she choked back a sob, “through with me—”

  “Ashley, I never meant it, I’m so sorry—”

  She put up her hand to stop his apology. “It’s in the past, Ry, but if you ever loved me, if you and Leo are the brothers you always claim to be, you’ll tell me right now…where is Leo? I need to get to him…now.”

  He saw the desperation in her beautiful face. He felt her tension. Saw the way her shoulders were squared. She needed to know. “Come on, let’s go find your parents. They should probably tell you.”

  “Goddamn it, Ryan!” Ashley was on her feet, her hands clenched into fists, her eyes wide open in fear—or maybe it was realization—but her voice was loud and insistent. Ryan had never ever heard Ashley use this tone, let alone seen the ferociousness in her face. “Tell me where my brother is or so help me God, I will make a scene so large they will need a horse tranquilizer to put me out. Do you hear me?”

  If she wasn’t so upset, if the situation hadn’t been so heinous, it would have been hysterical. I can’t wait to tell Leo about this. Oh, I can’t. I can’t ever tell him anything again.

  “Ryan, you’re crying.” Her bottom lip trembled, “just say it, Ryan.” She whispered and tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “Just say it, so my brain can process what my heart already knows. Please, Ryan.”

  Inhaling deeply, Ryan sat down on the plastic chair and took Ashley’s hand to guide her down next to him. “He’s gone. He’s gone, Ash. He’s gone. He’s just….gone.”

  The two of them embraced, their bodies woven together like an afghan, and they wept, sobbed, wailed and mourned for what felt like hours.

  At some point, Ryan saw two firm hands settle on Ashley’s shoulders, and he slowly unattached himself from Ashley to see who had the nerve to disturb them during the worst moment in their lives.

  “Dad. Oh, Dad!” She cried as she jumped up and threw her arms around her father. “Dad, he’s gone. How can that be?” Ryan watched as she released herself from her father’s embrace and stepped back putting distance between them. The sadness in her eyes morphed into confusion and then anger. He could barely hear her voice when she began to speak.

  “Why couldn’t you save him?” She accused. “All our lives all you did was brag about all the people you’d saved.” Her rage was palpable, her volume increasing. “So those people get the great Dr. Kynde, but once again, your kids get shit, right? That’s how it goes? I don’t know why I’m still surprised.” Her cheeks reddened more with each tear that fell.

  Her father reached out to stroke her arm but she brushed his caress away. “Honey, Leo was already gone when he got here.” Her father’s eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. “Ask Ryan, he was with him in the ambulance. There was nothing anyone could do for him, Ashley. I would have saved him if I could. I would do anything for the two of you. Anything!”

  “Except be a father,” she bit out acridly. Ryan watched as Dr. Mitchell Kynde flinched from his daughter’s verbal slap. “I want to see my brother. I want to see Leo, now. Either one of you will take me to him, or I’ll find him myself. We’ve stuck together and loved each other when everyone else let us down”—Ryan watched her eyes focus on him and her father—“I will not let him lay in some room alone now. I won’t abandon him. He wouldn’t have left me either.”

  Her last blow was aimed directly at Ryan. If he hadn’t known from the tone of her voice or the words she spoke, her face would have given her away. “Leo may be gone, but he and I will never be through. Ever.” She turned away from them to make her way down the hall to the morgue.

  RYAN STOOD STONE still as her parting words carved through him like a knife—nicking and slicing with each pass. He’d done this. His anger, his jealousy, and his behavior had broken Ashley’s heart and killed Leo. He had ruined the lives of his family. He fucked up.

  “There comes a time when ‘I’m sorry’ only buys you a nod from the person you love as they close the door in your face.”

  “God, Leo. I am so, so sorry. I know it’s not good enough. I know I can’t bring you back, I know. I’m just so fucking sorry.”

  Freight Train

  NAUSEA SWIRLED AROUND Ashley’s insides as an innate chill encompassed every fiber of her being. There was no way—no way—Leo was gone. Her brain kept repeating that message but her heart felt like lead with each heavy pump. She had just stepped out of sight when the sound of her father and Ryan’s raised voices froze her mid-step.

  “You’re gonna just let her go to that morgue alone? See her brother, alone? What the hell is wrong with you, man?” Ryan’s voice was tense with confusion and hurt that she had never heard from him before.

  “It would probably be better if she said goodbye to Leo on her own. That’s how those two did things. She needs to be alone with him. You wouldn’t understand, son. I’m not what she needs. They have—had—a connection. Their mother and I raised independent children. They don’t need us.”

  Ashley swallowed the bile that threatened to escape her mouth. He actually sounded proud of himself. How could her father even think that? Of course she needed her parents. She always had. They were just never around.

  “Are you kidding me?” Ryan’s voice deepened. “You know what, sir? You are one twisted son-of-a-bitch. Your son and daughter did have an amazing connection. They did.” Ryan’s voice got louder—clearly he didn’t care if he was making a spectacle of himself. “They had to because they had two of the worst, most negligent parents around. You and your wife have spent their whole lives being amazing doctors, saving lives, smiling for the cameras and donating your dollars. But do you know what people say behind your backs? Do you? They all know what kind of miserable excuses for parents you were—still are. They know that neither of you had anything to do with the amazing people that Leo and Ashley somehow turned out to be.”

  Ashley listened intently as her father began to defend his actions. “Quiet down, Ryan. We can’t have you making a scene in the hospital.” The
re was a brief pause before her father spoke again. ”Son, you have no idea what it takes to make it in this world.”

  “First of all, don’t call me ‘son’. You had a son, and you ignored him. You put everyone else in the world before him and now YOUR SON IS DEAD!” His voice was filled with angst and contempt. “And your daughter is devastated because not only did she lose her brother, but she lost her best friend.”

  People around them were quiet and blatantly listening in. She heard Ryan’s sneakers squeak on the linoleum floor as he moved closer to her father. He began to speak in a voice that Ashley knew to be lethal. Although outwardly less aggressive, it took on a dangerous edge. “Let me clue you in, you ignorant ass. They did things ‘that way’ because they only had each other to count on. Yes, you bought them nice clothes and good food, but I’ll be honest with you, pal—any father that lets his daughter go visit her dead brother in a morgue alone doesn’t deserve one child, let alone two. So, as far as I see it, you’re half way to getting exactly what you deserve.”

  Those final words were like icy water being dumped over Ashley’s head. New tears poured down her cheeks as she quickly rushed toward the morgue. All these years her parents’ neglect and indifference had crushed her inside, but hearing someone else validate the feeling she’d kept locked away made her surprisingly relieved, yet so deeply sad.

  The hairs on Ashley’s neck stood straight up as she neared the double doors to the morgue. “I can do this, I can do this.” She repeated her silent mantra as she approached the one place in the hospital she had never seen before.

  “Miss Kynde, I am so sorry for your loss.” The coroner, a young woman who couldn’t have been more than a handful or so years older than Ashley herself, seemed so sincere with her words. She didn’t appear to be anyone’s lackey. So Ashley allowed the woman’s words to penetrate through her deep sadness, anger, and fear.

  “I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now, but would you mind if I offered a small piece of advice?”

  Ashley looked at the petite brunette with the wire-rimmed glasses and the pale blue eyes and nodded without saying a word.

  “Miss, Kynde—”

  “Ashley.”

  “Umm, okay, Ashley.” The coroner tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’ve been at this hospital a couple of years now and I’ve heard about you and your brother…”

  Ashley felt her shoulders tighten and her posture straighten. She had been wrong. Apparently this woman was just another minion looking to score points with her parents.

  “Look”—Ashley found the nametag on the woman’s lab coat—“Anna, I don’t mean to be rude but I don’t give a damn if you’re trying to impress my parents right now. I just want—”

  “Ashley,” Anna’s voice was soft and gentle, “please know that I mean no disrespect when I say I don’t think you should go in there by yourself. Your brother, he’s—”

  “Leo.” His name felt like a prayer slipping from her lips. “His name is Leo.”

  Anna tipped her head in acknowledgement. “Leo, that’s a great name, a strong name. I’ve heard so much about him over the past few years.” She smiled warmly. Well, as warmly as one could smile when working in a morgue. “I’m just wondering where your parents are. You shouldn’t be down here alone.”

  “I…I haven’t even seen my mom,” Ashley stammered. “My dad saw me in the emergency waiting room, when I found out Leo …d-d-died, but that was all. I told him I was coming down here but he didn’t follow me. I…I—”

  At a loss for words, her heart slowly sank from the middle of her chest to her feet. “I just want to be with…with him.”

  The tenderness on the mortician’s face was almost Ashley’s complete undoing. “I get it, I do. I understand that you want to be with him—that you don’t want him to be in there alone—but, Ashley, I was in there, I saw him.” Ashley looked up at Anna’s face and saw a sorrow that hadn’t been there a moment before.

  “You saw Leo?” Ashley’s voice sounded broken and small to her own ears.

  Anna nodded bleakly and put her hand on Ashley’s shoulder, “Let someone take care of you, Ashley. Please, don’t look at your brother in this condition. From what I’ve heard about the two of you, he wouldn’t want this for you. I can promise you that.”

  Tears welled up in Ashley’s eyes just a moment before her body started to tremble. She wrapped her arms tightly around her frame, and slid down the wall that had been holding her up. Protected by her own shield she got lost in her grief and let loose her devastation.

  “Ash.”

  Rivers streamed down her face and she hunched into a ball with her arms snaked around her legs and her head resting on her knees. She felt his arms around her and melted into his embrace, thankful for his presence. Have I ever cried so much in one day before? She asked herself, but she already knew the answer. There had never been a day in her life where she hadn’t felt loved by Leo—where he hadn’t made her feel alive—so no, she had never cried like this before. The last twelve hours had been the worst of her life. With the thought of how many bad days she had yet to come, an uncontrollable shiver made its way throughout her entire body.

  “Are you cold?” Ryan slipped his body behind hers and wrapped his long legs around her, holding her closer. She heard him take a deep breath and felt the warmth of his exhale on the back of her neck. Anna came back with a blanket and draped it over them. Ashley was grateful for the gesture but now that she’d lost her sunshine she knew it would take much more than a blanket, or even Ryan’s arms, for her to ever feel truly warm again.

  Waking with a jolt, Ryan clutched at his neck. Falling asleep on a hard floor was never the best idea. As he started to come around he heard Ashley’s voice. It was hoarse and thick with emotion and for a quick second he questioned why.

  “Ryan, I’ve got to get home.”

  “Ouch, what the—” Lifting his hands to wipe the sleep from his eye he managed to bang himself in the eye with his cast. The cast was a reminder of why he was there at the hospital. For a brief second he’d forgotten about yesterday and for that split second he was still Ryan Baker—Leo Kynde’s best friend and Ashley Kynde’s boyfriend. For just a fraction of a second, life was still beautiful. Then he hit himself in the face with fiberglass and everything came rushing back through his mind like a freight train. Memories of yesterday assaulted his consciousness and practically knocked him breathless.

  “You just remembered didn’t you?” Ashley’s bloodshot and puffy eyes stared down at him and the misery and hopelessness in them damn near broke his heart in two. “I did the same thing when I woke up. You feel like you got hit by a bus, right?”

  “A freight train, but same difference,” he deadpanned.

  “Oh, okay.” Her voice sounded empty, hollow—just like her eyes. He stood up slowly, feeling every muscle in his body rebelling against the motion. “Sleeping on the floor sucks. Thanks for staying with me, Ryan. You didn’t have to.”

  “Ashley, of course I stayed with you. I love you. I love Leo—” He felt a tight lump in his throat as he corrected his statement, “I loved Leo. I’ll never leave you, Ashley. Never.”

  The shimmer in her eyes nearly broke his heart. What kind of love did he show her yesterday? What kind of love did he show Leo? Guilt lanced through his gut as the events played through his mind once again.

  “Ryan, I know you love…loved Leo—”

  “Ash—” he cut her off, not liking the tone of her voice or where he suspected the conversation was heading but Ashley put her hand up to stay his next words.

  “I know you loved him and he loved you. The two of you were amazing together. It was magical and entertaining.” The corner of her mouth lifted for a second but her stare dropped to the floor. When she finally looked him in the eyes, all traces of warmth were gone. In its place was detachment and distance. “Please don’t ever doubt how deep my love for you ran. It was deep, Ryan. Bone deep. The problem was I don’t think yo
u loved me as deeply as you thought you did.”

  He opened his mouth to interrupt her again but she gently placed her hand on his arm, her touch dissolving all of his words.

  “You couldn’t possibly love someone with all of your heart and simply toss them away like yesterday’s trash. ‘I’m through with her,’ that’s what you said. I know—I know—you probably didn’t mean it. In fact, I’d be willing to bet my life for his”—she pointed to the steel doors separating them from the cold sterile room that held Leo’s body—“that you didn’t mean it at all. But you said…no, you screamed it. And when you did, you broke something in me that you can’t fix. I’m sick of being everyone’s trash. Do I think you’re sorry? Yes, Ry, I know you are. But, sorry isn’t going to get you out of this one. I’m sorry I called my big brother crying yesterday. I’m sorry I asked him to come home. I’m so fucking sorry, but he’s still gone. I love you, Ryan, but you were right, we’re through. So, if you actually do love me, just let me go. I need to be left alone. That’s how I’m meant to be.” She swiped the steady stream of tears with the palm of her hand. “Just. Leave. Me. Be.”

  He stood motionless and watched her turn away from him and walk silently down the hallway.

  Out of his life.

  Windmilling

  “ASHLEY, ARE YOU sure this is what you want to do? My God, Mitchell, can’t you say something to stop her?” Judy Kynde paced in circles around her daughter’s bedroom while Ashley packed her possessions—neatly—into the waiting suitcases. “Ashley, damn it, you can’t just drop out of school during your senior year! You were accepted to the University of Pennsylvania. Do you know how lucky you are? I realize that life has been hard. It’s been hell for all of us. But do you think Leo would have wanted—”

  “Don’t you dare tell me what my brother would’ve wanted!” She snarled and the whooshing sound of blood flowing through her ears caused a faint spell of dizziness to overwhelm her.